I always had this gut-wrenching feeling of denial.
I just held onto the thin thread of hope.
I knew it was too good to be true, yet I was completely infatuated.
I let it all happen fully aware of the consequences.
The only thing I was unprepared for, was her answer.
Never in my mind would I ever have thought that about anyone.
Anyone.
This is coming from a guy, who's shot at girls are slim-to-none.
It never goes the way I had imagined it to be.
Ever...
I still can't believe what she said. I still can't, it's unbearable.
How I turned to be the bad guy, I just have to know.
So I'm debating if I should sent her this message or not.
It's the only way to just finish it for me.
We've only talked a few times, but it's strange how someone could make me feel this way.
But all good things must come to an end.
I have to end it, for the best.
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"I know you said you just want to be friends.
I know you won't believe a thing I say in this message.
But this is the only way I know how to express it.
I hope you give this letter a chance and hear me out.
It's pretty funny how things came to be...
I was initially intimidated by how cute you were, only to be down trodden by the hearing of your past.
I only knew a fraction of it, but it made me want to get to know and help you.
Little did I know I actually had the chance to talk to you.
When you couldn't make it to the party, I was pretty bummed.
But then you asked me if I wanted to get some lunch with you sometime.
If you'd had asked me that in person, I would have been completely silent in shock and awe that it even happened.
Thank God for Facebook lol...
Soon thereafter, we began talking on AIM.
I didn't even think that you'd be interested in someone like me; dorky, immature, not-as-slick-as-you-think-I-am.
I also didn't think you'd accept my morals, ethics and beliefs either. It's strange how I've met someone who actually doesn't judge me based on those ideals...
After that conversation, I've been constantly thinking about you, shying away from long conversations and anticipating eating lunch with you.
When you posted something sad, I wanted to say more, but I didn't want to come off too strong.
So I kept it quick and simple until we ate lunch together.
Patience (as you wished) and hope was all I was latching upon.
Then not too long ago (several hours), you tell me you weren't free.
I was confused.
Did she forget?
Did she have plans?
Were there unforeseen circumstances that contributed to her answer?
Once you told me that you don't like it when guys act as if they could get you easily, I was appalled.
I had no idea what to think at all.
All I could think about was the redundancy of that statement. Never have I ever considered any such thing about anyone.
I had the hardest time just thinking of a decent approach to you. That night I properly introduced myself to you, I was happy.
I came straight from Banana Bay 28 minutes prior to Tastea, then an additional 40 minutes of biting my nerves called 'Courage'.
Stupid, I know, but I would have much better known you than not.
That alone made me think, "Easy? This is ridiculous... I'm so intimidated by her essence and she thinks I think she's easy? I had to let her know."
The rest just laid itself along the lines.
Just me telling you as it is.
So now, I'm in a very awkward position.
I know you say you want to be friends, but I can't just leave it at that.
I'd like to know why you feel the way you do and why you said what you said.
I simply just want closure.
An honest answer.
That is all I'm asking for: for you to leave no loose ends and no stone unturned.
I believe it would manage to put my mind more at ease.
I know you've been busy with work and school, but thanks for taking your time in reading this ********.
Thanks for giving a guy like me a chance and something that was worth believing in."
And that was all I asked for.
A fair chance.
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